Addiction

Hello. My name is Kelli, and I am an addict.
Phew! I feel better already. They always say the first step is admitting you have a problem.
People may argue, feeling like using the word "addiction" regarding food is an excuse, or belittles "real" addictions, like drugs or alcohol. I beg to differ.
I have always felt like I have an addictive personality. (And no- I don't mean that by meeting me once you're hooked on Kelli for life.) Honestly, it is only by the grace of God that I am not hookin' on the street for crack money. I am easily persuaded (trying to fix this-people pleasing has its downfalls), and have honestly put myself in situations in the past that could've easily brought on a "lady of the night" lifestyle. Praise God, that didn't happen.
All that being said, if it can in any way shape or form become addictive, and I've tried it, it's over-I'm hooked.
Many know I've struggled off an on for about 9 years with smoking cigarettes. (Bear with me- this is related to weight loss.) It sucks. Wanting so badly to quit, knowing with every cig I'm puffin' on I'm slowly killing myself, working in a hospital and seeing the results of what smoking does- and still puffin away. Being chained to something sucks.
I'm saying all of this because I get addiction. Right now, it's that annoying "friend" who, although toxic, you just can't seem to cut out of your life. You fight, you stop talking for a little bit- but you always come back.
For me, food is also an addiction. The definition for addiction is: A persistent, compulsive dependence on a behavior or substance.
-I would go through a drive through, order enough food for two people, then eat some on the way home so my family didn't realize I had bought so much.
-I would feel compelled to lie to the cashier. "Oh, my sister wanted dinner too." Then shovel it in my pie hole when no one was looking.
-Before going to a friends house, I would eat, knowing I'd eat there also. I just didn't want them to know how much I actually consumed.
-At work, I would fill my tray to the point of people actually making comments regarding how much food I got. When addressed, I either lied and said some was for a coworker, or said I was bringing food home for tomorrow. Only to then run to my office, shut the door, and eat as fast as I could.
-I would eat in my car to avoid people knowing how much I ate.
-I hid food in the office and at home and hoarded it.
Hiding my eating habits, hiding how much food I'm consuming, and feeling ashamed is addiction.

Here's the problem with food addiction: You can't. Stop. Eating. It's not like I could just "give it up." (Not saying quitting anything is easy. Trust me-I know.) Imagine an alcoholic who, to live, had to have three beers a day- but only three.
I'm not making excuses. I'm not explaining why I'm fat. I'm trying to shed a little light for those who are NOT addicted to food. It's not cute or funny to hand me candy, cookies, chips or the like when I'm eating healthy. It's not amusing to have you eat something that is a temptation for me, while you exclaim "MmmmmmMMMM!!! This is SOOOO GOOD!! You should try this!" You may think its hilarious-I want to punch you in the teeth, grab your candy, and run!
You wouldn't taunt an alcoholic with beer. You wouldn't shake a bottle of Percocet at a narcotic addict...quit trying to tempt me and see if I fail.

Ok, I'm done. :) Just had to throw that out there.